Understanding my career wasn't helping my mind so to speak, i jumped ship to another department with hope that my future would be in better hands. It was soon pretty clear, it was out the oven and into the frying pan. Within months of the new role, it was clear the longevity just wasn't there. A stressful time broke out where there was no route forward, and no route back, and the time had come to say goodbye. After a few months of continuously searching for new opportunities, i managed to land a job just outside of the area. I don't think i'll get in trouble for saying that had i not landed this new role, the company had made it clear i had no role left working within the business.
I always compare my time there similar to how the great CM Punk analyzed his time in WWE after he left. He had many fantastic quotes about the burnt bridges and relationships with the company. When asked if he would ever go back: ' I've been there, I've done that, i have no need to go backwards. I know there will be people out there that will one day hope a day will come when i will, but right now in this moment, i have absolutely no desire to ever go back' Take from that what you will.
On a positive note, the new role was similar to what i had been doing. Still walking into the sunset holding my 'Steve Austin salute' to the previous, i tried to embrace my new company and look to thrive in a new environment. Months passed again, and the travel and working hours were beginning to take a toll on me both financially and mentally. By this point i had full on decided there was a life outside of Microsoft Excel, and i was'nt using any of my strengths and people skills i had spent the majority of my career gaining. One year on from starting, almost to the day, i left the role to work back much closer to home. Embracing my love for technology with my 'unique' customer skills, i had found a role which played to the best of both. My job is different from day to day, it keeps me mentally active, and i work for a company who wants me to succeed in my career. My advice to anyone reading this is look at your working life and establish if you have just occasional bad days, bad weeks, or bad months. If its either of the latter two, then it clearly isn't right for you. It's ok to try new things and challenge yourself, but the people and environment you hold at work is important because you spend so much time there.
Besides my career some other stuff happened in the past 3 years. I moved house... twice in a month. One was infested by rats...oh and the shower leaked through the ceiling. That's probably a whole other story for another time.
I finally, after years and posting cheesy chat up lines online, met someone special. (Awww this is the cute fluffy bit for the girls). Now a year and a bit strong, I've kind of got my own family situation to look out for, and properly taken after my old man in terms of keeping a kid entertained. It can be exhausting, but it can also bring great reward. Me and my Mrs have a great relationship, and have recently started discussing the possibility of living together. Watch this space..
So, i'm 29 now, and this whole saga began right back when i was just 22 years old. Incredible to think how much the landscape has changed in those 7 years, but after some pretty high speed bumps i feel like i'm finally going somewhere. I still take the medication to this day, each night before bed, and i'm hoping to soon review the situation with the doctor and take the dosage down. Yes, i have relapses and panic attacks, they haven't completely gone, but i have learnt to control them, and the situations i know will cause them. I also have a couple of great close friends to give props too for keeping me above water through the past few years. These are the people i am eternally grateful too.
I shared this story because depression, anxiety, and stress are all common things in young adults these days. Having clawed my way through some hefty situations, i just plead to those affected you are not alone, and over time things do get better. I have an arrow tattooed on my arm which represents life to me. You have to sometimes pull it back into the bad, to appreciate the going forward and good parts. At the back of my arrow are 3 feathers...my Nan, my Grandad and my Dad. 3 people whom had a huge impact on my life,and losing each of them although heartbreaking, has made me a stronger person. For every person i make laugh, for every kid i make smile, and every good deed i do..i do it for them, because thats exactly what they did for me.
I hope someone somewhere got something from this story, and if i can help anyone further with mental health awareness or guidance on losing someone close to them, i will try to help. I have many more stories i will look to explore through my blogs, some of which have remained very hidden and personal until now. Where do we go next, you will have to wait and see.
Thanks for taking this journey with me if you came along for the ride, and letting me share The Untold Story.
Martin
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