Ok, so last time we were here, i was 20 thousand feet in the air on my way back home. The mind constantly running with disbelief of the situation at hand, there was no time to take in the scenery. Once i had touched back in the UK, one of my friends greeted me at the airport. There was nothing better at that time, but to see a face you know. Another journey would then begin as we traveled from Heathrow back to Somerset. I was composed at this point, there were no tears or upset, i was just focused on returning home and getting to grips with everything.
As we pulled into the estate, part of me deep down remembered the last time i saw him in this spot. In the porch way, before i left, talking about the trip and having a laugh. The same porch way was now in front of me with a different feel. I got out of the car, walked up the driveway, my mum visibly upset by my arrival, and i simply said 'I'm home now'
Once my sister arrived with her partner, a place she had not returned too since she emigrated years before, the atmosphere was different. You just expect certain people to be in certain places, and things just didn't feel like home. It wasn't too long, and soon funeral arrangements had started to be arranged. We all decided to have a say in how things would go, from music to what hymns would be featured. Musical tracks, which not until 7 years later could i listen to again. I remember a distinct moment in all of this was when mum advised the undertaker had offered us to go and see dad before the funeral. It was a decision i was unsure on, do i take the lasting memory i have of him, or do i see him forever more in my mind in that environment which i had never been too before. I decided i wanted to remain with the thoughts i have, and keep the lasting image of him i still hold to this day.
Funerals are strange, because you end up seeing family and friends you dont see at any other time. As we traveled to Yeovil by hearse, i was thinking of all the funny times and jokes we had shared, and how his sense of humour had rubbed off on me. At that very point, on the A303 carriageway, a hearse decided to overtake us right down the right hand lane at great speed. On such a sad day. we all chuckled in the car, and said even up until his last swan song, he would always make us laugh.
As the funeral service went through, and i listened to the stories being told of his childhood, and love for his family, i knew soon it would be my time to speak. Both myself and my sister had pledged to read the Eulogy. A personal touch for us both, where we could write down what he meant, and give a personal recollection of the impact he had on us. As the time came in the service, my nerves were an all time high. I took to the podium, my notes in my hand, and in that split second before i started i looked around the room. Co workers, friends of his, neighbors, everyone was there. As my eyes came down to the front, directly looking at the coffin i could see my Nan & Grandad. They were both fixed on the coffin in the middle, and i realized at this point i was about to give the biggest speech in my life. Not only did i want to make my dad proud, but i also want to do justice for the people who had raised him many years before i was born.
I spoke of my best friend, and how he gave his everything to any job or person in front of him. A dedicated and passionate man, with an incredible sense of humour which made him so many friends. Surprised i was composed the entire time, i then handed to my sister who too would highly speak of a true role model for us both. After we had finished we both had a sigh of relief and took our seat for the final part.
As the curtains closed in the crematorium, and the music began to play (We had chosen Dexies Midnight Runners, a personal song choice for him), everyone stood up to leave. As i made my way to the exit, i passed by the front of the where the coffin was just moments ago, and i quietly said 'Goodbye Dad'.
Outside in the crematorium gardens, as a family (Mum, My Sister and Me) we greeted everyone who came to the service. The hardest part was seeing my Nan now much more visibly upset, and almost crumbling against the wall. As me and my uncle helped her stand, i realized I had already begun to fill the spot as the male figurehead of the family. I now felt i had to continue on the great legacy the man before me had left, and continue to support the family he had left behind.
This story will continue more in the coming weeks...
No comments:
Post a Comment