I've finally realized i am that point in my life i can openly discuss some events of my life that unfolded which certainly changed the course of how things continued. To some this type of conversation can bring up old memories, and times to reflect on things in your own life, but i feel it is important to divulge exactly what happened, and how the landscape of my life changed so drastically from these events over the years. The next few blogs will be the untold story of loss, heartbreak and depression. They will not be for the faint of heart, and the stories involved will be extremely real. By explaining how i handled things, i hope to inspire others in similar situations, and help people not effected by these issues to understand those who are much better. I feel safe to say i am on the other side of all of this, and my life right now is amazing,so i am happy to reflect on the past and help others learn from it.
Our story begins in the midst of 2009. I find myself, 10,000 miles across the world in Sydney Australia. Having hit a roadblock in terms of work, i decided a break was needed to rediscover things, and catch up with my sister who had emigrated years before to set up married life out there. I would be out there for a few months to fully appreciate everything, and spend some quality time together, and would look to return just short of my 22nd birthday.
Its night time, and we are talking middle of the night, early hours of the morning, from what i remember it was pitch black outside. I'm suddenly hearing a ringing sound, and confused why a phone is going at such hour of the night. I stir a bit, highly confused, i can hear my sisters partner race down the stairs to answer it. Then there was a long silence. I couldn't hear anything at all. By now my sister had joined him downstairs. I sit up right in bed, still rubbing my eyes...and then all i can hear is crying. Immediately understanding something isn't right, i head out onto the landing to see my sister crying into her partners shoulder. As i make myself half way down the first set of stairs, and ask what has happened, the reply was simple from him. 'That was your mum.... your dad has passed away...i'm so sorry'.
I crumbled to a seated position in the midst of the stairs. It was shock, it was disbelief, it was not knowing anything at all. I joined them in the kitchen, my sister still visibly upset, i decided to ring my mum back, more for my sanity than anything else. As the phone connects through, i can hear in her voice on the other end she is upset. Our family has always been well spoken around each other, and rarely sworn or cursed a bad word in each others presence. It was only fitting my opening line would be 'Ermmm right sorry but what the actual fuck is going on?' She began to tell me the story of how events had unfolded that day, and led up to what was currently late into the night in the UK. How he had left for work that morning, discussing if he was picking up the bread, a normal day, which just after lunch at work, saw him collapse to the floor. My father was a man of big stature, so this was quite a fall, and as paramedics rushed to get him to hospital...in the ambulance it was all but too late. Confused by this sudden development, and knowing i had been emailing my dad just days before, i still could not grasp that anything was wrong. Later on we would discover an un-diagnosed blood clot on the lung had slowly been taking its course,right up until this fateful day.
After hanging up the phone, composing myself, and realizing the situation we were now in, a plan had to be put into action. We were all 10,000 miles away, and i had the best part of a week and a half still to go. I began to contact airlines,and arrange to fly back the same day. I managed to get an upgraded ticket back leaving in a few hours, so it was time to quickly pack and get moving. I remember vividly saying goodbye to the place that had been my home for a few months, and all of sudden it would now be the place i remember receiving such devastating news. As the car pulled off the drive to the airport, i was already thinking of how this still did not feel real, and was just a really bad dream. As Australia was almost behind me, i took my souvenirs and luggage to the check in desk and looked ready to depart home. With an emotional goodbye to my sister, i stated 'i'm going home to take control...i'll see you there'. As i had arrived the long journey to Australia alone to begin, i knew the long journey back i would certainly have my thoughts with me the whole time for company. I couldn't eat, talk or sleep, i was just wide awake, not understanding that when i got home, my best friend would not be there.
This would certainly be a long journey home...
(This story and the after effects will continue in the coming weeks)
No comments:
Post a Comment